Am I Doing The Right Thing?

I blocked and unblocked repeatedly trying to keep the ball in my court. I wanted to scare him bad enough, but things are not going to change not even after the worst breakdown so far. Not a clue except about himself the only one he seems to care about well you know what? That couple can be there for him and take my place, cause they never visited him in the hospital when he almost died or at all that I know of and yet I'm still on the back burner. Well screw the stove Im hopping off. I deserve better I am worth it I keep repeating to myself. Plus anyone who makes me respond to my loved ones in anger doesn't have a place in my life. So goodbye for now we shall see what the future holds but my little one is my priority. I guess it's gonna have to hurt, I guess I'm gonna have to cry, And let go of some things I've loved, To get to the other side, I guess it's gonna break me down, Like falling when you try to fly, It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, Starts with goodbye.

*INSANITY*

What is it they say....... The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over expecting different results! Yep that pretty much sums up my life just not consciously, Not something I prefer anyway. On the other hand I have been coming across some different things in life lately and I have come to the conclusion my life isn't that bad after all. A lady at the drug store whose face has apparently caught on fire in the past works her butt off with 2 jobs and has a lot of guts and courage to show her face in public I know at first it might have been hard for her but she conquered it and got back up on her horse and grabbed life by the reigns and is taking off when if it were me that had happened to I don't think I would ever want to show my face in public again, where is that courage and determination cause I want some of it! my point is is there are people out there who have it far worse than I could imagine and here I am complaining and feeling down over the stupidist stuff! How dare I? I am actually quite ashamed of myself! But can God ever forgive my stubbornness? I want and thought I have given it all over to Him but someone said to me I keep taking it back and trying to fix it myself, which I never realized until he said that, maybe I thought God was taking to long so I had to scoot in and help idk? Maybe I heard the saying God helps them who helps themselves.......I used to feel so strongly against going to hell and I heard a sermon that made me question am I only loving God so I don't have to go to hell? What is the real reason I was serving Him.....and my mind began to wonder. I want a real relationship with God I want to feel His presence and actually feel His comfort when I need it. I was made for something great something bigger and I know I am meant to impact this planet somehow, someway,I want to make a difference, when my time comes what will I be leaving behind? I am so tired of every relationship failing? Im not that difficult to love......I am worth it! And yet here I am single once again! what is so wrong with wanting to be held and loved and wanted if He created me this way then I think He should find someone who is willing to stick around not play all-of-the-sudden-bachelor. People now a-days are ungrateful and selfish and greedy all I want to do is survive, I don't ask for much! And yet here I am.........